Ashley Cole pulls Kayla Collins. Manages not to vomit on her.

16 Dec

Ashley Cole gets off with Kayla CollinsAshley Cole got frisky with I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here star, Kayla Collins on a night out at London’s Funky Buddha club.

Cheryl Cole’s ex husband was invited to the playmate’s management company’s party and, of course, as any good love rat would, accepted immediately turning up with a group of his equally sophisticated footie mates.

Upon arrival, Ashley only had eyes for one girl and made a beeline for gorgeous Kayla:

“Ashley clearly fancied her and put in the groundwork. His charming paid off, as they ended up getting stuck into each other” a fellow clubber said to The Sun.

It’s unsure if said ‘groundwork’ involved Ashley’s usual vomit interlude, which has previous proved a failsafe tool of seduction.

Unfortunately, we have never been chatted up by Ashley Cole. So, allow Ash’s former conquest, Sarah Purnell, to elaborate on our behalf:

“He kept saying what a nice body I had, and that he liked my bum and my face.’

That’s right men of Britain, if in doubt compliment the bum and then the face. Never in reverse order, you must make your priorities clear from the off. She went on:

“He poured me a drink, got me a jacket to wear because I was cold and even sent his driver out to get me a McDonald’s.”

(All established Casanovas know a McDonalds is a reliable way to seal any deal, just ask Wagner).

How could we forget hairdresser Aimee Walton who was also blessed with the Cole treatment way back in 2008:

“He slapped my backside so hard his wedding ring left an imprint.”

“Then he just threw up everywhere. My friend was going mad but he just smiled and said to me, ‘She should be privileged Ashley Cole was sick in her car.’ I remember being really disturbed by how violently ill he was.”

The magic continued back at his place:

“Ashley said he needed a drink and we went to the toilet to get some tissue to wipe sick off his arm’.

Surely, it’s unfair to keep such techniques from mankind. We think Ashley should share his pearls of wisdom and pen The Ashley Cole Guide to Seduction.

(Originally written for


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