X FACTOR Duets: An Analysis

14 Dec

1. Matt Cardle

Matt Cardle was up first and joined forces with Rihanna to perform her hit Unfaithful. Co-incidentally, the perfect song choice for a reformed sex addict and serial shagger.

Rihanna’s thigh nearly stole the show, however,  was pipped to the post by a performance hotter than RiRi’s flame haired honey monster barnet and Katie Waisell’s gran put together.

Reflecting later on Xtra Factor, Matt said:

“It was one of the best moments of my life.”

We’re proud of you son.

2. Rebecca Ferguson

Christina Aguilera teamed up with Liverpool’s Rebecca Ferguson.

Well we say teamed, but it was more like popped on stage near the end to show off a bit while her side boob paid tribute to a bloated Cyndi Lauper. Not before shouting ‘BURLESQUE.OUT.ON.FRIDAY’ and stomping into a waiting car.

No that ‘I’m so happy to be here’ Rebecca seemed to mind.

Christina did hang about long enough, however, to thoroughly piss off the Daily Mail. But honestly, a second of cleveage elsewheres has done worse.

Just ask Judy Finnegan. Oh what the hell – since we are all about YouTube tonight, why not re live that wonderful moment also (excuse the quality):

This is brilliant for many reasons. The main reason being yes, that is John Leslie who jumps to Judy’s rescue. And yes, Richard does think the audience is laughing at his jokes for the first minute.

3. One Direction

Resident X Factor mascot Robbie Williams joined boyband One Direction to sing She’s The One in a performance reminiscent of Fagin and his gang after a trip to Suits You.

Luckily, this year Robbie managed to remember all his words. (See Olly Murs vid for more information)

One direction looked the eager little whippets they are, with particular reference to Niall whose face reads like a little joy barometer.

However, Harry Styles was nonetheless over the moon by the collaboration and said, managing with no mention of any p***y this time:

“It’s an honour to sing with Robbie.”

Oooops sorry Olly Murs.

4. Cher Lloyd


Cher Lloyd, making N Dubz look middle class since 1993, performed a duet with Black Eyed Peas star will.i.am (apparently, ‘will’ don’t need a caps lock button – he’s THAT cool and comfortable with measly lower case.)

After Cher swapped her pyjama trousers for a bow tie, the pair performed I Gotta Feeling with Cher kicking the collaboration off with Where Is The Love.

Worryingly, Will’s necklace seemed the talking point rather than the aforementioned sing song. But to be fair, wearing a Lego manifestation of yourself around your neck is bound to prompt some discussion.

Oh well, if things don’t work out we’re sure Cher could do well on those Yeo Valley ads.

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