Zoo unveil their 10 ‘sexiest’ dolly birds

4 Aug

As it’s National Watermelon Day (honest) we think it rather timely that Zoo magazine has released it’s ‘101 Sexiest Women’ list as voted for by it’s ‘readers’.

What a curious world Zoo magazine does inhabit. A world where Cheryl Cole is trumped by Corrie birds and the titty one off Real Hustle. Oh just where is the justice in that? Here’s the criminal top ten in full:

1. Sammy Braddy. What a dark horse! Congratulations Sammo – but just remind us – who are you? Is anyone other than Zoo’s adolescent readership aware of this bare-breasted woman?

But just so you know. Sammy is not just a pretty face. She’s also pretty clever! Just look how she tackled this challenging Paxman-eque grilling:

‘Can you describe your boobs for us using just five words?
“Hmm, tough question! OK… Big. Round. Pert”‘

Sammy… that’s four words…

2. Michelle Keegan (plays Tina McIntyre in Coronation Street). Watch out Hollywood.

3. Jessica Jane Clement. Fairly unknown token female entity off The Real Hustle. Gets implants, shoots into ‘babe’ territory.

4. Cheryl Cole. Good looking but certainly NOT in the league of ‘Sammy Brady’.

5. Melissa D. Sources suggest ‘D’ is for dimwit. Mel is one of Zoo’s resident bra dodgers.

6. Alice Goodwin. Another Zoo regular. Also regularly spotted in the darker corners of Chinawhite and Embassy nightclubs.

7. Tulisa Contostavlos. N Dubz ‘totty’.

8. Pixie Lott. Wears hot pants and sings a bit.

9. Una Healy. Simply because she is the only Saturday to have revealed her jubblies on the beach much to the delight of Zoo readers nationwide.

10. Frankie Sandford. See the above justification. We hope Dougie McFly is very proud. But we just can’t help but remember the ole (or rather, VERY YOUNG) S Club Juniors….

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