Ashley’s lap dancer has a Cheryl makeover and opens her gob!

29 Jun

‘Even Ashley thinks I look like Cheryl’ revealed Ashley Cole’s new ‘girlfriend’ Sarah Purnell.

It’s not entirely clear why she included the ‘even’ as absolutely no one else on the planet thinks she look like Cheryl.

Granted PR chumps did have a good crack at it, taking Sarah from how she really looks (pictured above) to a crap Cheryl imposter (pictured right) just in time for her story to come out.

So. yes, she has finally opened her gob to new! Magazine and what a treat was in store! Ashley’s Brummie lap dancing downgrade spoke of their romantic relationship origins –

‘I was wearing a black and pink dress and he kept saying what a nice body I had, and that he liked my bum and my face.’

Bum and face. With that dynamite duo what else does a girl really need?

“He poured me a drink, got me a jacket to wear because I was cold and even sent his driver out to get me a McDonald’s.”

Even sent his driver out for Maccies! That Ashley is one generous guy! At least he didn’t vomit in this ones handbag. And the chivalry didn’t stop there folks!

‘He was such a gentleman. He made sure I was OK and got me a new toothbrush and a glass of water.’ SUCH a gentleman indeed!

Obviously Miss Purcell slept with him the night they met. When a lad earns over £80,000 a week you’ve got to seal the deal quick. At least this time he wasn’t wearing a wedding ring.

A sleepover she went on to reveal in great detail.

Clearly, a precious private moment shared between two people.

‘He opened the window because I was quite hot. We then got a call around 5am from Ash’s driver saying that he had the McDonald’s, so we went and ate that back in his flat. By this time, his mate had left and his room was free, so we went in there and had sex again.’

Ah yes – the arrival of a McDonalds – always spoiling the magic. Bet Ashley’s mate was pleased – hope they bought the poor guy a McFlurry.

When asked if she wanted a long-term relationship with the footballer following the World Cup, Miss Purnell said

‘It’s early days, I can’t really say. I’ve only seen him a couple of times. I hope to see him when he’s back. We’ve said we’ll meet when he gets back, but I’m not putting pressure on him to arrange a date.’

No pressure Ashley – just a national magazine headline. Sounds like a nice classy bird!


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